Felicia’s Story
Imagine going through life without a support system. For Felicia, that scenario was a reality.
Born and raised in Iowa, Felicia spent most of her upbringing in foster care or with her grandmother. Her world completely fell apart when her grandmother received a terminal cancer diagnosis, and at the young age of 16, Felicia left home to face the world on her own.
“I moved to North Dakota when I was 16. My grandma was dying from cancer so I took a bus and ran from that. I tried to start a new life there but got into some things that changed my life for the worse. Bad drugs, pills to be exact. I started off selling them, but then I ended up using them myself… I went back and forth between pills and heroin. I got caught one time by the police… That’s probably what saved my life.”
Felicia was arrested and went to prison, ultimately serving a five year sentence. During that time she faced the most difficult loss of her life - the death of her firstborn son, Honest. “While I was incarcerated I was a couple weeks pregnant. I had a son named Honest. I had my son in prison and then he went home and then he passed away from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. That took a big toll on me but by the grace of God I had the strength to continue my sobriety when I got out.”
Following a voluntary treatment program, Felicia was released from prison and returned to Iowa. She reunited with her significant other and became pregnant with daughter, Abrazamae. A year and half later, her son Halo was born.
“Their dad left right after I had Abrazamae, and I was four months pregnant with my son. My children were basically all I had. I didn’t really have a support system. I was making it, but I really wasn’t making it. It was really hard to find anybody or any place for support to meet my goals. I felt like I was just stuck. It was a terrible feeling you know. I always wanted to conquer my goals. I didn’t have the right resources and I couldn’t find them.”
After years of difficulty and loss in Iowa, North Dakota, and then Iowa again, Felicia was desperate for a fresh start.
She was able to successfully connect with her biological mother, more than a decade after they had last seen or spoken to each other. Her mom was living in Myrtle Beach, SC, and invited her to come live with her, offering to help her get back up on her feet. Felicia accepted that invitation and after months of planning made the move to Myrtle Beach.
“I just wanted to change my whole life. I wanted to break the cycle. Where I come from it’s the same repeating pattern over and over and over again - it’s always streets, drugs, losses, failures. That’s how I grew up. I wanted to make it. I had to break the cycle for my baby. I was sick of losing, I had already gone to prison, I had already lost a child, I didn’t want to do this anymore.”
Three days of driving later, Felicia arrived at her mother’s, anxious for a fresh start and to “break the cycle”. However, rather than a warm welcome, she faced uncertainty and rejection. “I literally packed my kids up and left everything behind and showed up at her house. Took my three days to get here and I was thinking that I was gonna have family and support… But when I showed up, my mom’s husband came home and said he had no idea we were coming. He doesn’t have kids or grandkids and he isn’t used to kids so he walked in the house and said ‘what is she doing here? My mom never told him. So the whole time we were planning, for like six months, turned out to be a lie and then he said ‘she’s gotta go’. I didn’t know what to do, I was completely lost.”
Thankfully, Felicia managed to find out about New Directions’ Family Shelter. With the help of Danielle, our Family Services Director, she managed to navigate the difficulty of the situation - an invitation, turned eviction - and as soon as a bed became available moved into the shelter.
“My mom’s husband was like ‘you’ve gotta go, you’ve gotta go now’ and it was scaring me. I knew that eventually my kids were going to have to be in my car. I told Ms. Danielle my situation. She was there for me. She let me know that if he kicked me out or if there was an issue, to call her right away. I ended up calling her every day, letting her know my status, how everything was going. Then she called me back and let me know, ‘we have room, come in whenever you’re ready’...”
Felicia was ready to come to New Directions, but it wasn’t easy. For the first few weeks, she kept to herself, remaining very protective over her children, still uncertain of what the future might hold. “When I first came in, I was a mess. Ever since losing my son (Honest) I was so worried about losing my kids. I was always scared they were going to get hurt or sick and I’d try to prevent it. I came in here and was just really tense at all times. How I started actually coming out of my shell was I started getting to know the other clients… Talking to them and hearing their stories made me feel more comfortable about mine. I wanted to start helping them and helping others has made me want to start helping myself.”
Although living at a homeless shelter was never the fresh start that Felicia imagined for herself when she made the move to Myrtle Beach, her experience at New Directions has led her to both her passion and career - becoming a Certified Peer Support Specialist.
“Within my year-and a half being here, I have come to the point where I have found my career and I’ve been accepted into it which is amazing. I cannot believe it. There were so many bumps in the road. At first I applied for school and was thinking ‘this is it, I’ve signed up for school because I wanted to go into the human services field.’ They denied me because of my criminal history. Ms. Danielle talked to Dr. Causey (Access Favor) and I wrote a letter. She (Danielle) said that a Peer Support Specialist was “everything you want to be (because I kept telling her that I wanted to help people), it’s everything that you want to do, and it requires everything you are, everything you have right now.”
On January 28th, Felicia completed her peer support classes and became a Certified Peer Support Specialist. This new career opportunity will open doors for her, allowing her to use her lived experience in recovery to help others. “I have support and I have determination. That’s a huge difference because I lacked that. I was so scared of failure, scared of getting denied in a lot of areas. I had confidence but not as much confidence that I have now. Being here, I learned that there’s second and third chances in life. There’s fourth chances. The opportunity is there in life if you never give up, no matter how many bumps are in the road.”
Today, for Felicia and her family, “the cycle” is nearly broken. After years without support, through shelter, basic needs, and resources, Felicia has the tools she needs to conquer her goals. It wasn’t easy getting to this point, and Felicia faced countless closed doors on her journey. But thanks to her steadfast determination and the support she received at New Directions, she is moving forward towards a better future for herself and for her children.
“My children are in daycare. I’m going to be taking my classes. I have a huge support system. I have come way out of my shell… I knew it would happen. There were a lot of low places in my life… I got denied housing because of my criminal background and I thought to myself ‘man I’m not going to be able to go to school, I’m not going to be able to get into any housing, I’m just constantly losing’. But I didn’t give up. I still went out there and tried different things. I know I’m not supposed to be stuck, I know there is more out there for me and that’s why I’m not giving up. Next thing you know, God is just blessing me left and right with all of these blessings. I have all of these great people for my support system. They’re my biggest cheerleaders, rooting me on, helping show me different doors”
We can’t wait to see what doors open for Felicia next through her future as a Peer Support Specialist. To those still facing closed doors, like those she has experienced, Felicia offered this encouragement: “Never give up because it’s worth it. There might be a few or there might be a lot of bumps in the road but if you keep your determination and keep moving forward it will get better.”